she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
