chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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