I cannot find my penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
