I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
