It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
