You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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