I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
