She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
