we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
