What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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