So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
