No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why do cheetos always look like penises
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
