your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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