Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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