o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
