I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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