Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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