yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
