I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
