For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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