hotel room ftw
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
