Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just want nice things and good sex
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
