I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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