Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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