He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
