sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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