Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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