I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
