I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
