there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
