Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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