you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
