They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
