At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
