She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
