I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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