i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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