Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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