I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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