The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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