I wish I only lived at night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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