Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
