one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
