I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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