I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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