phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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