Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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