First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
