do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
