She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
