started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
