since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
